Talking to your parents about sex

Ask these questions or others that you may have on your mind to get the conversation started:

• The “To-the-Point” Approach
  “Can we talk? I have a question about something we learned in sex ed class.”
• The “Round-About” Approach
  “This talk show had some teens on who had babies and the girls were only 13 years old. Do you think teens can be good parents?”
• The “Wonder If” Approach
  “I wonder if you can get pregnant the first time you have sex.”
• The “I’ve Heard That” Approach
  “I’ve heard that lots of kids have had sex by high school. Is that just a rumor?”
  
  “I’ve heard that if you say no to sex, the person you like will break up with you. How do you say no to someone and not hurt their feelings?”

A member of CFOC’s Teens in Action peer education program said, “I was nervous to talk to my mom at first. You know this stuff can be embarrassing. I just blurted out ‘Can we talk?’ She said ‘Yes’ right away. It was easier than I thought. Now my mom asks, ‘Is there anything YOU want to talk about?’ It’s nice to know I CAN get my questions answered.”

H/T: Campaign for our Children

• Choose a convenient time when you will both be free of distractions. It’s easier to have an open and honest conversation when you are both free to focus on the discussion – not when you’re caught up in the heat of the moment.
• Choose a relaxing environment in a neutral location, like a coffee bar or a park, where neither of you will feel pressured.
• Use "I" statements when talking. For example, I feel that choosing not to have sex is right for me at this time. Or, I would feel more comfortable if we used a condom.
• Be assertive! Do not let fear of how your partner might react stop you from talking with him/her.
• Be a good listener. Let your partner know that you hear, understand, and care about what she/he is saying and feeling.
• Be "ask-able"—let your partner know you are open to questions and that you won't jump on him/her or be offended by questions.
• Be patient with your partner, and remain firm in your decision that talking is important.
• Recognize your limits. You can't communicate alone or protect you both alone, and you don't have to know all the answers.
• Understand that success in talking does not mean one person getting the other person to do something. It means that you both have said what you think and feel respectfully and honestly and that you have both listened respectfully to the other.
• Get information to help you each make informed decisions.
• Avoid making assumptions. Ask open-ended questions to discuss your expectations for the relationship, past and present sexual relationships, contraceptive use, and testing for STIs, including HIV, among other issues. For example, What do you think about our agreeing to avoid sex until after we graduate? Or, What do you think about our using hormonal contraception as well as condoms? Not, Did you get the condoms? Or, When will you have sex with me?
• It’s okay if you don’t understand something right away. Try asking more questions, or asking the same question in a few different ways. Ask questions to clarify what you believe you heard. For example, I think you said that you want us to use both condoms and birth control pills? Is that right? Or, I think you want us both to wait until we graduate to have sex? Is that right?

H/T: Amplify